kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
