Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Come see our sink grown plant.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
