You just made me feel so damn special
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
