So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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