Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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