saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
