Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
did i just pee glitter
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