oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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