Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize