You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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