i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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