I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
