I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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