i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
organizing the empties. That sober.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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