Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
