i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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