You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
