You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
