sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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