margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
