Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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