Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
