he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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