if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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