I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
