covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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