Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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