and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
