if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
