never play flip cup with pint glasses
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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