My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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