Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
