I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
