Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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