R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
