So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
