shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
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