I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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