forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
