The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
