So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
