I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
