: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
did i just pee glitter
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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