I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
