woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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