Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He felt like a one man threesome
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He has the fingertips of a God
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