Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
