dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
