John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
