i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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