you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
